Where's My Knight?

After reading over my old post, I decided that there should be a conclusion to the story. Me and "Joe" = a no go. After months of a crazy whirlwind of emotions, we finally had a chat. I told him exactly what was on my mind. Was it awkward? Yes, indeed! This conversation, however, was way past due. Afterword I actually felt relief. This relief was coupled with lots of tears, chocolate, and playing "My Heart Will Go On" over and over - and over. Even so, I felt like I could finally rest for the first time in months. This did not negate the fact that I was hurt and angry. It never feels good to be rejected by someone that you really care about.

Was I mad at God? Yes, I was. My emotions had been toyed with; I didn't understand why. I wanted to blame God. Why would He allow something like this to happen? It just so happens that the Lord used this experience to bring me closer to Him. He taught me that regardless of my circumstances or my day to day feelings, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This has been a process; I'm still in it. Everyday, I am learning to rest in Him alone. I am learning to let go. I am learning to forgive people who have hurt me. This is no cake walk, people! It's freaking hard. But Jesus has blessed me so much. I have Christ in me! There is truly no one else that I need! Does that mean that I don't desire a relationship? Oh, I desire one very much. If it never comes - well, I know that it's going to be alright. God has me in his hand. He's holding me, leading me, and teaching me. He allows painful things to happen to draw me closer to Him. In the end, it is a blessing - a blessing in disguise. My prayer is that I always remember this and never let go of what the Lord has taught me and where He has brought me.

Where's my knight? I have no idea. He may never come. But Jesus, the Lover of my soul, is already here and always with me. He is faithful, perfect, and true. He has loved me in a way that no man on earth will ever be able to - His love supersedes all.