An Update Long Overdue...

I'm not sure if anyone reads these posts, but it doesn't matter.  This is here for me to share my thoughts and reflections, to see God moving in my life. Oh boy, has He moved! I was just reading over my old blog post called "All ears." It is amazing that, no less than a month later, the Lord would answer that prayer. I HAVE become a better listener. My relationships have changed for the better, and I have grown deeper in my relationship with Jesus. My God is so faithful and I know that I can hold to the truth that He knows what He's doing in my life; His plans are far greater than anything I could ever even imagine. What I asked of Him was in accordance with His will, and He was faithful to deliver. Why do I doubt so often? My flesh is so weak. I am so prone to worry. I am so prone to try to handle everything. I CANNOT DO IT. I CANNOT DO IT. I CANNOT DO IT. GOD IS IN CONTROL.

Silly, silly me. The Creator of the universe holds me in His hand. Nothing takes Him by surprise. He is my Heavenly Father and only wants the best for me, His daughter. This truth is something I must cling to. So I am asking the Lord to help me trust Him more. I know that He will.

It's Love!

As Valentines Day approaches, I am very excited! My plan is to bake lots of brownies and deliver them to my precious co-workers (I work with amazing people at a local ministry.) Valentines Day is an excellent day to show people around you that they are loved! As a single woman, I'm going to embrace it! This might be the first time! Last February 14th I celebrated S.A.D. by vegging on my couch watching "Cats 101" with my favorite kitty. (No, I am not even kidding.) It was pitiful. This year is going to be different.

I came across this story and thought it was a great illustration of the selfless kind of love that Christ calls us to have for others:


Dean was a third grader. Dean didn’t catch on to his school lessons quite as quickly as most of his classmates; he could master the material, but he often took twice as long as everybody else. In sports, he found it challenging to keep up. As a result, he was always picked last in any team selection. In short, Dean was the kind of child that had a very special spot in his mother’s heart. Her heart was saddened when one day Dean came home and announced that his school was going to have a Valentine’s Day party. Most seriously, Dean, said he was going to make a special Valentine’s card for every one of his classmates.

Mother agonized. She wished Dean wouldn’t get so excited about his projects. She wanted to protect him from getting hurt. She had watched how her boy was treated by these friends for whom he now wanted to prepare a special card. She had seen how he was never in the group when they got off the school bus. She had seen him sitting on the sidelines during recess. The children weren’t cruel, they just didn’t know that her boy was there. That’s what her mother’s heart said on the inside. On the outside her mother’s voice commended Dean for his most excellent idea. That’s why the very next day she went out and picked up the needed art supplies. Every evening for the next two weeks she set aside time in the evening to help her boy with the paper, the glue, the crayons, the glitter, the ribbons and the candy for the special Valentine’s Day cards. When Valentine’s Day finally came, Dean was beside himself with excitement. Before breakfast he counted the valentines. He stacked the valentines; he sorted the valentines; he carried the valentines around. He left for the bus and then came back, just to make sure he hadn’t left any of his valentines behind.

Fearing the worst, that afternoon Dean’s mom made him a special snack. She whipped up a batch of chocolate-chip-peanut butter cookies for her boy. She wanted to do something, anything, for the obvious disappointment that she knew was going to come. Her heart ached to think that maybe Dean wouldn’t, after all his work for others, get many valentines from his fellow students. She wanted to cry when she thought, "maybe he will get none at all." Everything was ready when Dean finally burst through the door. She looked closely. There was a big smile on his face, but that, she knew, was nothing more than a brave front he was putting on for her benefit.

She took his book bag, escorted him into the kitchen and announced, “I’ve got your favorite cookies ready. Sit down and tell me how the Valentine’s party went.” Sitting at the table, he gave a big sigh. So did her heart. The first words he said were, “Not one. Not a single one." She cleared her throat to say some motherly thing like, “Honey, you’re my valentine. I love you.” She knew it wouldn’t be enough, but it was all she could do. Then Dean continued, "I didn't forget one of my classmates. I didn’t forget a single one.” It was hard to believe. Her boy wasn’t worried about the valentines people did or did not give to him. He was happy because he had shown his love to every one of his friends.

"Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7)

Where's My Knight?

After reading over my old post, I decided that there should be a conclusion to the story. Me and "Joe" = a no go. After months of a crazy whirlwind of emotions, we finally had a chat. I told him exactly what was on my mind. Was it awkward? Yes, indeed! This conversation, however, was way past due. Afterword I actually felt relief. This relief was coupled with lots of tears, chocolate, and playing "My Heart Will Go On" over and over - and over. Even so, I felt like I could finally rest for the first time in months. This did not negate the fact that I was hurt and angry. It never feels good to be rejected by someone that you really care about.

Was I mad at God? Yes, I was. My emotions had been toyed with; I didn't understand why. I wanted to blame God. Why would He allow something like this to happen? It just so happens that the Lord used this experience to bring me closer to Him. He taught me that regardless of my circumstances or my day to day feelings, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This has been a process; I'm still in it. Everyday, I am learning to rest in Him alone. I am learning to let go. I am learning to forgive people who have hurt me. This is no cake walk, people! It's freaking hard. But Jesus has blessed me so much. I have Christ in me! There is truly no one else that I need! Does that mean that I don't desire a relationship? Oh, I desire one very much. If it never comes - well, I know that it's going to be alright. God has me in his hand. He's holding me, leading me, and teaching me. He allows painful things to happen to draw me closer to Him. In the end, it is a blessing - a blessing in disguise. My prayer is that I always remember this and never let go of what the Lord has taught me and where He has brought me.

Where's my knight? I have no idea. He may never come. But Jesus, the Lover of my soul, is already here and always with me. He is faithful, perfect, and true. He has loved me in a way that no man on earth will ever be able to - His love supersedes all.

All ears.

What if I really listened to people? I mean really listened. What if I focused the conversation on them and not what I am dying to say? How would this impact my relationships with others? This has been on my mind very much recently. It's so neat to see what God reveals to me as I walk through different experiences in life. He has brought me a long way, and I still have a long way to go!

Back to answering my question.

 I think the result would be deeper friendships, and, in the future, stronger marital intimacy and respect. Why? EVERYONE wants to be heard and understood. No one will believe that you truly hear them unless you set yourself aside, close your mouth for just a moment, open your heart and hear. I find myself, so many times, wanting to give advice to friends and family members before I have even heard them out. The truth is, one must earn their right to be heard. You can earn that right through listening.

Proverbs 18:13 says: "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame."

I'm asking the Lord to work with me on being a better listener. This post is just a reminder for me to come back and remember what He has done for me thus far, as well as what he will continue to do. This listening challenge definitely applies to my walk with God. It is good to be silent. It is good to ask Him to answer and to trust that He will. I definitely don't want to interrupt God when He's trying to show me something!

Hold your horses...

Being patient has never been easy for me. I have lived in a society of instant gratification for my entire life. It's everywhere: fast food, instant weight loss, and entertainment at the push of a button. No wonder I don't like to wait!

When it comes to relationships, though, many have this same mentality. No one wants to wait (Including me!). We feel that it's "time" for us, so we go out looking for someone - anyone. We are so desperate for our needs to be met, right here, right now. The Lord spoke to my heart the other day as I was making my commute from school. I'll have to back up to get there first, though, so rewind. 

Freshman year of college, I became friends with a guy (let's call him Joe) who I had been acquainted with for years. The more time I spent with Joe, the closer we became. I began to like him as more than a friend, and I thought he kind of might like me, too. Nothing ever happened. Joe fell off the face of the earth for whatever reason. We lost contact. I missed him a lot, but realized that he needed space. Therefore, I just left it alone. I tried to convince myself that I never really liked him "like that" because it was easier for me to move on that way. About a year ago, I thought about Joe again. I was going through a very bad bout with bronchitis; I remember being in my bed, drifting in and out of sleep, thinking, "I wish he was here right now. I would just love to see his face and talk to him." 

The next semester at school, I always saw Joe walking to class, but I could never catch up with him to say, "hi." So, I just left it alone. I guessed that was that. In the spring, I got to talk to him again. It was a bit awkward at first, but after a minute it was just like nothing had changed. We picked up right where we had left off. Yet, it was just another hello and goodbye. I found out that he was leaving for the summer. 

With a heart full of hope, I began praying for my friend everyday. I noticed that I still had not let go of the romantic feelings that I had for him. So, I began to pray that if this wasn't of God, these feelings for him wouldn't grow. However, my feelings toward him only continued to increase. There were days when I would cry because it was just so frustrating. This painful time of not knowing. All I could do was trust that God knew what He was doing, and remember that He didn't take Joe off of my heart or my mind. 

When Joe got back, we hit it off again. The Sunday he was back at church, I greeted him with a semi - awkward hug. (I was so very nervous!). After that, things just kind of fell into place. I kept seeing him and every time he made an effort to talk to me. Now I see him every week. I have grown closer to Joe and I'm looking forward to what our relationship may grow to become. So often, though, I find myself trying to move things ahead and jump the gun.

This brings me back to my time in the car, heading down the highway in rush hour traffic. All of the scheming and daydreams in my head were suddenly silenced. I thought, "If I truly love this man, I will wait because I want what is best for him." Daydreams of holding hands and romantic picnics aren't bad, but I had to stop myself because I realized that I was being selfish. It all boils down to me, wanting to "feel good." Love, however, is waiting until the time is right and putting his needs before my own. If I'm not the woman God has planned for him, I don't want to be with him. If it's too early, I don't want to start something prematurely. Simple as that, though, very hard to say.

Joe means a lot to me, so very much. I will cherish his friendship for the rest of my life. My hopes are that we could take our friendship to the next level, if that is what the Lord wills. I'm not going to rush. I want to be a blessing to him by letting him take the lead and fulfill his role as a man. I will be a lady in waiting, an encouraging friend, and a sister in Christ.

True love is like a rose. Under the right conditions, a bud grows. One can never be sure, however, if the bud will produce a flower or a new stem. A rosebud has several coatings; it opens slowly, the wrappings falling off and the flower peeking through. It is a process that happens so subtly yet so naturally.

There's an old African proverb that says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." Joe and I had been texting one night about going hiking. I smiled to myself when he texted, "So how far do you want to go?"

Whatever God has in store for me and Joe, it is good. I can say that without a doubt. 

Saying "No"

Saying "no" is hard. In fact, it has, in many situations, been the hardest thing I've had to do. There are many things that I have said "no" to. Some instances have been harder than others. One time in particular, though, was very hard for me. You see, there was this guy. He was great: funny, smart, handsome, and adventurous. We worked together for over a year before he had the courage to ask me out. Well, it went a little more like this: I left my old workplace, he sought me out and found me at my new job location and asked me to "hangout."(Alright #1, I am totally oblivious when it comes to relationships. I really didn't see this coming and when he asked me to "hangout" I honestly didn't understand that he was interested in me.) I was busy that weekend, and I told him so. But he wasn't giving up so easily. I ended up just asking what his intentions were; I wanted to know what "hanging out" meant to him. As it turns out, he wanted to "more than hangout." He wanted a date.

And me? I wanted to date. I wanted a relationship.The problem: He wasn't a Christian. I sent him a very long message and explained to him that my answer was a definitive "no." Believing that he deserved an explanation, I went into the reasons behind my answer, backed up by scripture...

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

I absolutely hated telling this guy "no." I felt like a horrible, horrible, person. Nevertheless, I knew that what I was doing was right. I would rather hurt him initially and it be over with than leading him on by going on one date with him. "What's the harm in just one date?" That was a question that I was asked. Here are the problems: 

1. One date can lead to a string of other dates.
2. I Only date for the purpose of marriage. Dating is a step toward marriage, so one should not even consider going on a date with a non-believer. 
3. I would be defrauding him. 
4. He doesn't have the same standards that I do, namely the same standards of purity. 
5. He could bring me down and ultimately, be a barrier between God and me. 

It's hard to say "no." Situations like this always happen when we are most vulnerable. That is why it is so, so important to constantly be on guard and equipped with truth. Stand firm and don't give in to the temptations that come. It might be fun in the beginning, but it's a tragedy in the end. I have talked to so many women who chose to marry poorly (it felt so right). Even to this day, long after the divorces were finalized, they deal with the consequences of following their heart instead of following their God. And to think...it all started with "just one" date. 

Neglected...and an introduction.

This is horrible. Every time I resolve to blog, I always quit. It never fails. I have no idea how many blogs I have started, but I will try again and do my best to post - and post often. So, here's what I have in mind for this blog: I don't even know if anyone reads or will read anything that I write, however, I feel that the best way for me to express myself in life is through writing everything down. My struggles, trials, and victories. From the mundane everyday to the exciting, however rare, times in life. This is a way for me to share what's on my heart ; writing is therapeutic for me. I could write and write and write all day just for the sake of enjoyment.

So, here's an introduction to me. This is who I am: Morgan. I am a southern girl born and raised, an artist, a musician, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and coffee enthusiast. Most importantly, though, I am a child of the most high God. My relationship with Jesus Christ is the priority of my life. Christ is the one who gave me this new life and raised me up out of my miserable, sinful state. Without the Lord, I was hopeless and dead in my sin. Now I am alive in Christ.

I began walking with the Lord at the tender age of three years. You can say that's when I "asked Jesus into my heart." He found me and met me where I was - even as a three year old. There is no way that I was drawn to Him in and of my own will. It was supernatural.

I remember lying in my bed at night before I knew Christ. Sleep was a struggle; I knew that there was a battle going on for my soul. It was as if I felt a dark presence in my room. That was so horrible, and I remember it so vividly. I knew that I was a sinner who needed Jesus. Not long after, I was sitting on a little stool in the kitchen. My three year old mind was deep in thought, I remember staring at the green and white kitchen tile, knowing what I needed to do. That's the day that I met Jesus. I acknowledged my sin before Him and asked to be forgiven. Jesus stepped in and has been by my side ever since.

The early years of my relationship with Christ were filled with learning basic truths found in His word. I memorized Bible verses and was taught about stories and characters from the Bible. My parents were always including me in conversations about spiritual matters; I am so thankful that the Lord blessed me with them. They were an encouragement and healthy role models of what a follower of Christ looks like.

My faith really "became my own" in middle school. I was out in the world for the first time; before, I had gone to Private Christian school and was also home schooled for a couple of years. I was a very sheltered little girl who was shocked at the behavior (and vocabulary!) of my peers. Public school was a nightmare for me, but I really grew in my faith tremendously during that time. I began reading my Bible on my own initiative, not my parents'. My thirst for righteousness and purity became evident to me and also others around me. I was made fun of in school. I was the "goody two-shoes," the "teacher's pet," the "smart girl," the "religious kid." But none of that mattered to me; in fact, I embraced it.

Jesus made me different. He continues to mold and shape me everyday. I am so thankful that the God of the Universe loves and cares for me; and I look forward to seeing how He continues to work in my life in the future.